please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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