I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
