At least make sure they are 18
Why
I cockslap morals
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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