I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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