And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
