And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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