She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize