I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
