You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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