We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
