i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
