my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
