The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
