I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I would fuck him just for his dog
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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