he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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