We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I have demons in me.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
