You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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