Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
