he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
