On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
