there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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