and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
