shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
