Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
