i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
How naked do you want me to be?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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