i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
