4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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