Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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