Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Dignity is for republicans.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
