That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
