But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
