Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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