my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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