before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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