Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
