Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
