dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
you had me at cake vodka
The air was thick with penises
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
