theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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