How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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