listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
