I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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