for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
