You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
