I just made out with a guy for $7.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
