i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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