When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
