I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
