Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Two words: nipple clamps
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