i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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