It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
