More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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