pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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